It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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