Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
