omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
