My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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