i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
