Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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