not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
