I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You did what with his pubic hair?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
