What a fucking waste of an outfit
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
