So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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