Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
