Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???