I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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