im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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