Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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