Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A+ Viking dick
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