remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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