Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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