Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
