Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
