I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
