Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
