Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
