NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
