did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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