i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
