How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm always down for nudity.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
