and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
