I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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