Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
