he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
