Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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