I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
