walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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