So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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