You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
