Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
