so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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