I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I looked at my own cervix.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
