5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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