im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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