dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I understand Curling. That high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
