the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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