I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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