Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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