Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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