hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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