I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
