So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
