I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
