This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
