Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it glows. i had to have it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
