Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
