Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
