Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
