I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
