The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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