I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
