Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
