so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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