My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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