did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
