right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
