The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
