did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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