Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
