i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
