Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize