Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
