Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I need you to use more vowels.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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