All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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