how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
