Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Shitshow foam night was such a success
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
