My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
