You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just invented taco cereal.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
