I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
