Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
