Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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