Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
