Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You need Xanax blowdarts
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
