One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
