I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
