Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
